If you are a parent, and make a twitter for your kids bowel movements, the kid should be taken away from you.

You lost me at "goth was cool"

Just A Thought: Maybe if people understood what the hell you were saying, people would follow.

Gotta Coach Them All!

Good thing you ran to the ER, my family was killed by pulled muscles.

Is that you Barry White?

No, they probably just think you're a hipster single-speed d-bag.

Drinking Alone + Tweeting = Recipe for Paaaaarty!

Viva La Revolucion?

What are you disguised as? Talented musicians?

St. Patty's Day a little early!

Then 9 months later they call you, letting you know you unwillingly just signed an 18 year contract.

So there really is nothing to live for this winter.